


Forever at your side

by tinglingsensation



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining, Sabinus lives, Unrequited Love, War, there is no decimation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:04:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10864905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinglingsensation/pseuds/tinglingsensation
Summary: Looking back, Sabinus was not sure if there had ever been a time he had not loved Tiberius. It was only the manner of his affection that had changed; from childish admiration, to a deep loyalty and brotherly love to feelings that had slowly lost the innocence of youth.





	1. I

For as long as Sabinus could remember, he had been following Tiberius. When they were still little boys, not holding more than a decade between themselves, he had been placed as ward to Marcus Crassus, and had been devoted to both him and his son ever since. Even then, Tiberius had been smaller than Sabinus, yet more ambitious, courageous and wild than Sabinus would ever be. Sabinus, calmer and more cautious than his friend, had soon taken it upon himself to shield Tiberius from any harm that may come to him. Looking back, he was not sure if there had ever been a time he had not loved Tiberius. It was only the manner of his affection that had changed; from childish admiration, to a deep loyalty and brotherly love to feelings that had slowly lost the innocence of youth. Tiberius had grown to be a beautiful man, headstrong and stubborn, foolish at times, but with fiery passion and great pride. Sabinus felt sometimes inadequate in comparison, tall and clumsy, slower of speech and more docile in nature. They balanced each other well, something that did not go unnoticed by Tiberius’ father. It was a balance greatly appreciated, Sabinus’ more calm and reflective manner proving invaluable influence.

Sabinus could not be sure when affection towards his friend had turned from innocence: one day, he had seen him as brother, the next, as anything but. He was just on the cusp of manhood, and the emotions he felt were yet unknown to him. But as years progressed, they became constant companion, as much friend as enemy. He could not follow any such desires, of course, as long as Tiberius did not give sign of inclination towards it; as the one of lesser station, it was not his place to voice affections. And so Sabinus yearned, and loved, and protected. He sought other lovers, as to not rouse suspicion: he took great care in selecting only women, and only those who held no risk of reminding him of Tiberius: he chose tall and soft-spoken women, blond or with auburn hair, and took great care never to even so much as glance at any man. Only in the darkest hours of night, safe behind the walls of his room, did he allow his mind to wander towards desire: only then did he picture curled lips and burning eyes, and strong hand upon his own.

And so years passed; they remained fast friends and nothing else. Of course, fanciful tongues suggested the opposite, but Tiberius was always quick to silence them with sharp words. It was not uncommon for young men to seek pleasure among themselves, yet Tiberius never showed any such inclination. It was an ache deep inside Sabinus’ chest, yet he was grateful no other man was allowed a privilege denied to himself. Tiberius held him in the highest regard, soothing the disappointment of unrequited love.

 

The day came that Tiberius was appointed his first command. To march upon Spartacus was a great honor for father and son both, even if the son’s was slighted by the appointment of another to higher authority.

With appointed command came first decisions, in the hills outside Sinuessa en Valle. Now, more than ever, Sabinus felt obliged to protect his friend, not only from enemy but from own foolishness as well. It was no small feat, convincing Tiberius that attack was not a wise move, but Sabinus held the advantage of long friendship and advice often well given. Instead of meeting the rebels and pirates in fight, they captured one of the pirates under the cover of darkness. He proved valuable in information given, holding no loyalty to Spartacus or his cause, yet having seen and heard much while in the city.

Tiberius was exuberant to have finally earned his father’s approval. It was not given lightly, and Sabinus shared in his joy. His friend had not let his influence be unmentioned, and Sabinus was honored to feel the light of his Imperator’s approval shine upon himself. They retreated to Tiberius’ tent to share wine and words in celebration of a mission fulfilled beyond expectation.

“You shall forever have my gratitude, Sabinus” Tiberius said, clinking his cup against Sabinus’. “Without you, I would not have stood in such high regard as I do now. Your advice and friendship once more prove invaluable to me. I pray to the gods that they shall never see us parted.”

Sabinus heart glowed warmly at such praise. “As I am grateful to be at your side. It is an honor to be valued thus, my friend and commander.” He replied, raising his cup and inclining his head. He could not quite meet his friend’s eyes, fearing the honesty of his sentiment would betray more hidden feelings.

“If I could grant you one wish, Sabinus” Tiberius voice turned more serious, his gaze more imploring, “what would it be? You speak of the honor of being my friend. Yet your deeds warrant reward exceeding my friendship and gratitude. It is already yours, always has been and always will be. Speak freely, friend! Although we have been close as brothers, I do not know the depth of your heart. What is it you wish from life, what do you desire most deeply? You have proven many times that you know what I need, better than I. Yet I know only how to take, and never to return favor.”

Heartbeat thundered in Sabinus’ chest. To be asked, so openly, about the truth that was ever boiling under his surface, was torture. To stay silent would be dishonesty, yet speaking the truth would likely tear from him what he valued most in life. “There is not much I desire more” he intoned carefully, raising his gaze towards Tiberius’ “than being forever at your side. And what more I long for, I dare not yet speak. I beg of you, do not press me further! It is against my very nature to keep secrets from you, but this one thing must remain my own, even if nothing else is.”

Tiberius’ expression clouded, not accustomed to being denied. After a moment, however, his gaze turned soft once more. “How can I deny you anything, Sabinus” he spoke tenderly and with such affection that Sabinus almost could not bear it “come, let us forget I ever asked and instead share in well-deserved wine. Let’s speak instead of the bright future that yet awaits us.”

Sabinus clasped his friend’s shoulder in silent gratitude and raised his cup to his lips.

 

The next morning found them sore from battle and last night’s drinks, yet their spirits were lifted and they met their duties with vigor. The following days proved tiresome but productive, and Sabinus was rarely from his friend’s side. Crassus held council with them daily, instructing on strategy and imparting all kinds of wisdoms.

In Sinuessa, Caesar was ever successful, much to Tiberius’ discontent. He loathed the man, Sabinus knew, and only his elevated position after their initial success seemed to sooth the wounds envy struck in him. As winter drew closer, Spartacus was banished from Sinuessa, in a heated battle that saw many dead, but brought the victors much fame and honor.

Tiberius was to command a great battalion, and with Sabinus at his side, he saw many of their enemies to the afterlife. He was a proficient fighter, brutal and unforgiving. In the end, Tiberius had almost as much claim to their victory as Julius Caesar himself. Yet with Sabinus’ gentle influence, he knew not to boast about it too much, instead accepting his father’s approval and praise with a grace few would have thought him capable of.

His friend remained ever loyal, but Sabinus felt his manner towards him had changed, though almost imperceptibly. Ever so often, he would feel the young man’s imploring gaze on him, a curiosity that made Sabinus uneasy. He had to be constantly guarded as to not betray his emotions, and it wore at him. His feelings were ever growing stronger, seeing Tiberius rise to unknown greatness, standing taller and more radiant each day. His own dreams were becoming troubled, pictures of Tiberius dying intermingling with impressions of their naked bodies entwined in heated embrace. It had him waken in tears and aroused in turn, and sometimes even both. It almost drove him to madness, and he despaired at it all. What was to become of him? With yet more responsibility on Tiberius’ shoulders, and subsequently on Sabinus’ as well, their days were filled with many duties. Sabinus could feel the war wearing at him, as well as his ever growing feelings, and without conscious decision to do so, he withdrew from his friend, seeking more and more time alone.

 

“Sabinus, I would break words” The man in question flinched when he was roused from the deep thoughts he had lost himself in. He had withdrawn to a quiet corner overlooking the sea, seeking momentary respite from the bustle of reclaimed Sinuessa, yet Tiberius had found him in almost no time at all. “What is the matter you wish to speak on?” he asked in a voice not as steady as he would hope. “I thought our duties to be done with for the day.”  
“It is not duty I wish to speak of” Tiberius said softly, stepping closer. “Or at least none imparted on me by my father. I am here on the duty of being your friend. You have seemed troubled as of late, you sleep little and eat less. I fear you are carrying a heavy burden, one I wish to share if it helps your suffering.” Sabinus lowered his gaze. Tiberius was standing close, so close, and if he were to gaze upon his face from such distance, he did not know if he could muster any restraint. Tiberius, of course, was ignorant to his struggles. “Look at me” he said softly, and slowly raised Sabinus’s chin with a finger. His eyes widened in concern at the desperation in the face of his friend. Sabinus drew a trembling breath, heart pounding. He felt as if he would die at any moment, disintegrating in such close proximity to the man he so desired. “I cannot” he exhaled brokenly “I dare not. I fear that by speaking my troubles, they would only grow in severity. Forgive me, Tiberius!” He broke his gaze once more and stepped away from the warmth of the other’s body. It was almost physical pain to do so. He turned to leave, flee back into the city, but a strong grip around his arm hindered him. He grunted in surprise when he was slammed against the nearest wall, Tiberius getting up into his face. “Speak to me!” He ordered, all tenderness gone from his face. Then he relaxed slightly, adding “Please”, almost as if in apology. Sabinus drew a shuddering breath.

Slowly, he raised his hand to cup Tiberius’ jaw. “Forgive me” he whispered into the space between their mouths before breaching the distance and pressing their lips together. For one glorious moment, he felt as if suspended in time, at once aware of everything and nothing. He felt the soft press of Tiberius’ lips, the sharp intake of his breath, the strength of his grip still upon Sabinus’ arm, the warmth radiating from his body. At the same time, the rest of the world seemed to fall away, all sound drowned by the rushing in his ears.

The moment was over too soon; realization of what he had done flooded him, and he tore himself away. “Forgive me” he repeated. Tiberius stared at him in shock, with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. His mouth stood open slightly, and his lips shimmered enticingly. When Sabinus tore himself away to flee this time, he was not met with resistance.

He returned quickly and quietly to his quarters. It was yet early, but he could not stand to face the world one more moment. He crawled between his furs, half hoping they would swallow him whole. Against expectations, he fell asleep quickly.

When he woke, night had truly fallen. The candle he had forgotten to extinguish had burned down considerably, and outside, the city lay relatively quiet, except for the waves crashing against rocks and the pattering of a late autumn rain. At once, Sabinus saw what had woken him. At the entrance of his room stood Tiberius, awkwardly, not advancing further. He was drenched head to toe. His hands were clenched at his side, and his eyes wide with an expression between confusion and desperation.

“Tiberius!” Sabinus rose instantly. “Where have you been?” He pulled his friend towards the little hearth in the corner of the room, moving to unclasp his dripping cloak. Tiberius bowed his head and stayed silent as he let his friend remove his damp clothing and wrap him in a thick blanket. Pushing Tiberius to sit on the edge of his bed, Sabinus prepared a jug of heated wine. Tiberius accepted it with a nod of gratitude as Sabinus sat down beside him. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough.  
“I was were you left me.” he raised his eyes to Sabinus’. “I did not know where to go and what to do. I do not know how to feel. It seems I am lost without you to give me advice, and yet how can I ask you for council in this matter?”

Sabinus hung his head. “Forgive me” he begged softly. “If I were a stronger man, I would never have burdened you with this. If you wish it” he looked up “we shall never speak of it again, and in time, maybe we can forget the shame I bring you.”

“I do not wish it.” Tiberius replied, almost forcefully. Then, lower: “I do not know what I wish. I only know that you owe me the full extend of this secret you have guarded from me, and I will not allow you to evade me once more.”

Sabinus bowed his head in compliance. He was not able to look at Tiberius, so he stared down at his own fidgeting hands.

“After we captured the pirate” he began “you asked me for my true heart’s desire. And I answered you truthfully: to stay with you for all eternity. The only secret in this is the depth of my affection for you. I...” he paused; Tiberius’ shoulder pressed into his, and the proximity made him almost dizzy.

He cleared his throat. “My feelings toward you are not only those of friend and brother-in-arms. I look at you, and I wish to hold you close. I watch you speak and I wish I could kiss your lips as I have done earlier. I wish to never be parted from you, to never see you belong to anyone but myself. This is my secret, and has been for a long time.” He closed his eyes. He felt at once relieved and anxious, finally free of his secret but now completely at Tiberius’ mercy.

The young man in question stayed silent, but the press of his shoulder did not ease. “I...” he started after some time “I did not expect this” he finally managed, and Sabinus’ heart sank. Tiberius continued; “You have never given any indication of your preference towards men.”  
Sabinus snorted and looked up. “It is not so much a preference towards men as it is one towards you!” Tiberius flushed deeply. Sabinus smiled. “I do not desire you only for your body. I have loved you, long before I even knew what desire was.”

Tiberius’ face was almost as red as his discarded cloak now, and Sabinus’ heart ached with it. Yet it gave him hope, and no little enjoyment to see the other so flustered. It gave him courage. “Now I have spoken my mind. What you do must be your decision, only know that I will give all you ask from me, nothing more, and nothing less, as I have always done.”

Tiberius sighed softly. “Then I ask of you that you do what you wish, and tell me what to do, at least for tonight. The morning may see me more capable of decisions, but for now I could not bear to leave you here nor deny you anything you wish for.” He bit his lip nervously and gazed up at Sabinus between lowered lashes.

Sabinus soared. To have Tiberius at his bidding, even for one night, was exultation beyond measure; he could take anything he wished, and that was plentiful. Smiling, he leaned close to Tiberius. “Then I will kiss you now, and make sure you will never want to kiss another.” Tiberius’ breath hitched, and he closed his eyes as Sabinus closed the distance between them. Their second kiss started as slow as their first, lips pressing together sweetly. Sabinus raised his hand to tenderly lay against the side of his friend’s head. He gently tilted his head to deepen the kiss, touching his tongue to the other’s lips.

Tiberius gasped and pressed closer. The cup of wine tumbled to the floor, forgotten and empty, as he grasped Sabinus’ shirt in both hands as his mouth was ravished. Sabinus’ body pulsed. He wanted to press this man down on his bed, remove what clothes yet remained on his body, and claim him as his own. But he hesitated. He was at once too aware of the uncertainty in Tiberius’ voice as he had spoken. If he decided in the morning, that this was not what he wanted, would their friendship not be more tainted if Sabinus took too freely? Such sentiments made him gentle his kisses. Tiberius would have none of it though, pressing further until it was Sabinus with his back on the bed. Tiberius crawled over him, the blanket sliding from his shoulders. Their soft tunics did nothing to hide the state of their arousal, and both moaned when Tiberius pressed his hips down.

His movements turned frantic soon, bearing down on Sabinus without restraint. They were not so much kissing as panting into each others’ mouths now, hands roaming over shoulders and backs, grasping buttocks and shoving away offending cloth of tunics. When their bare flesh finally met, it was almost their undoing. Only a few thrusts more, and Tiberius spent with a shout pressed into Sabinus’ shoulder. He crumbled over Sabinus, hips still thrusting weakly, a wet slide over his stomach.

Sabinus was almost out of his mind with desperation, pushing up against Tiberius in the pursuit of his release. “Come for me, Sabinus” Tiberius whispered into his ear hotly, pressing kisses to his neck. Sabinus shuddered, his vision almost turning white from the intensity of his orgasm.

At last, Tiberius slid from him onto the bed, legs still tangled with his. They were both breathing heavily; sweat began to cool on their foreheads. “Why have we not done this ages ago?” Tiberius wondered aloud and they both dissolved into laughter. Finally they quieted and Sabinus leaned over to steal a kiss. When he drew back, Tiberius made to follow. Sabinus reveled in the sight of him: disheveled hair, flushed skind and lips wet and swollen. He placed another gentle kiss upon those lips before he rose, fetching a wet cloth from his washing bowl. Tenderly, he cleaned first Tiberius then himself, before slipping on his tunic and helping Tiberius into his.

“Do you wish me to go?” Tiberius asked timidly. He was no longer glowing, but huddled uncomfortably in the middle of the bed, hands clenched in the covers. “I wish nothing less” Sabinus assured him, sliding under the blankets and holding them up in invitation. Tiberius scrambled to follow it, settling on his side to face Sabinus. It reminded Sabinus of the times they had shared a bed in their childhood: sometimes without anyone knowing, they had sneaked into each others rooms to trade whispered thoughts and stories. Under the covers, he sneaked his hand around Tiberius’ waist, pulling him close until his head was resting on Sabinus’ chest. He could feel his breath even through his tunic, and could not even begin to fathom what he had done to deserve such happiness.

 

The next day met them with hasty bustle. The easiness from last night had vanished in the hard light of morning, Tiberius rolling from the bed as soon as he woke, pulling on his dried clothes silently. Before Sabinus had even located one of his shoes, Tiberius was fully clothed. At the doorway, he turned. He made as if to speak, but in the last moment lowered his gaze and vanished quietly. Sabinus groaned. To have felt this happiness only to lose it by the light of day was harsh. Yet the memory was still vivid, and Tiberius’ enjoyment had been honest. Only time would tell what decision Tiberius might take next.

Alas, time dragged slowly. If before Sabinus had evaded Tiberius’ gaze, now it was the reverse. Their conversation, if struck, concerned only the tasks at hand. There was much to be done, and Crassus sent them out on missions almost daily, to secure the perimeter and scout for any enemies in vicinity of the city. Sabinus had finally been promoted to his own small command under Tiberius. One of the missions finally sent him out alone with the men in his command, with Tiberius staying behind in the city. Although it was against Sabinus’ nature to be parted with Tiberius, he was relieved to be away from him for some time. The tension between them had grown as thick as tar, the memory of their shared night almost palpable between them. Yet neither had broached the subject further, and it left their friendship straining. A mission of his own gave Sabinus purpose and distraction from jumbled thoughts. He was gone from Sinuessa for almost a week. They returned to the city as twilight set in, concluding a short but sunny day. The air was crisp and held promiseof winter, and a storm loomed in the distance. Sabinus pushed his men hard in the last hours before returning, unwilling to be caught in a storm, unprotected from the elements. Their arrival at the gates was met with much anticipation, and Sabinus reported immediately to his Imperator. Tiberius was present also, and when Sabinus chanced to look in his direction, the other’s eyes were boring into his. After his report, Crassus dismissed him, sending him to much deserved rest. His room was well heated, and warm water as well as food and drink were laid out for him. Finally clean and warm, he settled onto cushions on the floor to eat and drink some wine. He looked up when he heard a sound at his room’s entrance. It opened to reveal Tiberius.

They stared at each other for long moments, before Sabinus gestured at him to take seat and share wine. Finally, Tiberius spoke.

“Forgive me” he murmured. “I have been a loathsome friend. I did not mean to avoid you so, but I find myself incapable of clear thought whenever my mind turns to you.” His gaze burned as he raised it to meet Sabinus’ eyes. “I could scarce sleep when you were away. I worried for your safety, and yet more, I...” he stopped, flush rising on his cheeks. Sabinus raised his hand slowly, clasping Tiberius’ neck and pulling him closer.

Tiberius exhaled shakily, resting his face in the crook of Sabinus’ neck. “I lay awake at night, thinking of your touch. It drives me to distraction.”

Sabinus could not find words to answer him. His heart thundered in his chest, both at Tiberius’ words and his proximity, and he could not help the tightening of his fingers in the other’s neck. He exhaled shakily. To deny Tiberius was unthinkable, yet he knew not how to proceed. He wanted everything at once, so long denied Tiberius’ company.

The first soft kiss to his neck made his skin prickle. Cautious hands slid under his loose tunic, fluttering over his belly and chest nervously. He groaned. “I have missed you.” He could feel a smile pressed against the side of his face, before he turned to taste it with his mouth. A strong hand tangled in his hair, and he lost himself in the sensation for long moments. Yet he could not be sated by mere kisses.

With a quick movement, he pushed Tiberius back onto the floor. Tiberius sprawled languidly among the pillows, cheeks flushed deliciously. His tunic was riding up his strong thighs, and Sabinus settled back on his haunches to delicately grasp one of his ankles. Lifting it, he pressed light kisses among the inside of his legs, making his way slowly upward. Tiberius writhed and sighed, his voice growing louder as Sabinus drew closer to the crook of his thighs. Shortly before he reached the place were Tiberius hung hot and heavy, Sabinus sat up once more, drawing a complaint that was stifled against a pillow. Sabinus drew the pillow away. “I would hear you.”

Tiberius panted. “Get on with it” he groaned. Sabinus laughed. Quickly, he removed Tiberius’ tunic and subligaculum. He took his time to appreciate the form laid bare before him, exploring the golden skin with tender hands and eager lips. The sounds he evoked stirred him as well, and he covered Tiberius’ body to kiss him sloppily, pressing himself against the other.

Tiberius tugged impatiently at his tunic. “I would have garment removed” he grunted, wrestling Sabinus to his back. “And I would stop fucking torture” he breathed against his mouth before claiming it in a brutal kiss.

“I was merely admiring” Sabinus breathed back, raising his arms as Tiberius wrenched his shift from him. Tiberius’ touch was not gentle. Sabinus was sure to have bruises all over come morning, but he reveled in each of them. Tiberius bit at his chest, mouth moving towards nipples. Sabinus arched beneath him. Here he had thought himself in control for once, but he was powerless against Tiberius’ passion. Once again they were frotting against each other, but Sabinus wanted more. He slid his hands down, indulging one moment in squeezing Tiberius’ muscular buttocks. The other grunted against his neck, sliding his lips messily along the sensitive skin. His slight evening stubble scraped against Sabinus’ skin, and for a moment, Sabinus was lost to his sensations.

His mind steered back towards course however, and he slid one hand along Tiberius’ hips to his front. Tiberius’ hips jerked forward as his hand closed around him. Sabinus started stroking slowly, biting his lips when he felt how slick the other already was. Above him, Tiberius was strung tight as a bow. He was biting curses into Sabinus’ shoulder, his hands bruising the other’s hips. “I do not wish it to end yet” he panted finally, pulling away slightly with visible effort. He met Sabinus in a filthy kiss that turned more languid as he stretched out beside Sabinus. His hands roamed over his chest once more, this time with purpose. His hand wrapped around Sabinus, and they both gasped at the feeling. Tiberius was more hesitant than Sabinus had been, stroking more slowly, exploring with his fingers.

Sabinus moaned into his mouth, tangling a hand into his hair while the other trailed over his side. As Tiberius grew more confident, his strokes became surer and faster. He soon hat Sabinus writhing against him, panting into his mouth and pulling at his hair. Finally, Sabinus’ hand wrapped around him again. Their movements grew sloppy and faster, each nearing completion.

“Next time,” Tiberius grunted “I would give you my mouth”. It was Sabinus’ undoing. With a cry, he spent himself over Tiberius’ hand and his own belly. Tiberius did not release him from his grasp, too caught up in his own pleasure. After a few more violent thrusts, he added to the mess on Sabinus’ skin.

He rolled onto his side, head propped on one arm. One leg was slung over Sabinus’, and his hips were still moving in slow lazy circles, riding out the last waves of pleasure. Slowly, he dragged a finger through their mingled release on Sabinus’ skin. If Sabinus had not just spent, he was sure he would harden again. He almost fainted when Tiberius raised the finger to his own lips. “It frightens me” he suddenly said, lowering his hand. Sabinus urged him on with an inquiring murmur. “How you make me desire things I did not know could be desired.”

Sabinus drew him down into a kiss. “You must tell me of all these things.” He whispered, tugging playfully at Tiberius’ hair.

“I told you one already” Tiberius smirked, raising his finger back to his mouth. Sabinus’ hand tightened painfully in his hair and he drew in a deep breath. “You will be the death of me” he sighed happily.

 

Their rapport became easier after this. Their duties made it impossible to spend much time alone, yet he could feel Tiberius’ gaze burning upon him often. They were preparing for their next move, with Tiberius and Caesar consistently at each other’s throats. Many times it fell to Sabinus to calm Tiberius’ fiery anger. Finally, they were to set out into the mountains, where Spartacus’ army was trapped between their army and a long trench and sturdy wall, an artful trap designed by Crassus himself. Much to Sabinus’ relief, Caesar was ordered to stay in Sinuessa, and finally under Tiberius’ command. They set out mere hours after Crassus had left, having assembled their men quickly by combined effort. As they approached the encampment on the mountain ridge, snow began to fall. As the day grew darker, the wind turned bitter cold, biting at exposed flesh. Finally away from Caesar, Tiberius was more light-hearted. He was focused on task at hand, but found time to speak with Sabinus as they rode side by side. From time to time, Tiberius met his gaze with a small quirk of his lips, and his eyes lingered often, roaming over Sabinus’ face and body. They reached the camp at nightfall. The snowfall had grown into a storm, and after only a quick exchange with the Imperator, they were ordered to rest in anticipation of the following days and looming final battle against Spartacus.

Sabinus was not halfway to his tent, when he found himself trapped by Tiberius, who had pulled him into a dark corner out of view and was now pressing against him. “What have you done to me” he cursed, only half joking, as he pressed his erection against Sabinus’ leg. His breath was wet and hot on Sabinus’ neck, and his hands were roaming over his body, grabbing and pulling at him, with no real intent but to touch.  
“We have not the time.” Sabinus hissed, mustering all control to pull away. They were in risk of discovery, hidden only between two tents and by falling darkness. Yet he could not leave. Tiberius had slumped against the tent wall, his hand moving inside his subligaculum. “You drive me to madness.” Tiberius whispered harshly, stroking himself sloppily.

Sabinus surged back against him to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, before dropping to his knees. The frozen ground was hard beneath them, yet he could spare no thought to the discomfort. “We must be quick.” he said against burning skin, before Tiberius guided himself between his lips. A strong hand grasped his hair, and Sabinus clasped Tiberius’ hips. The other set a harsh rhythm, and Sabinus could not do much but keep his teeth covered and try to breathe. The sensation of Tiberius’ cock filling his mouth made his hips jerk of their own accord, and when Tiberius held him down to spill down his throat, it took but a couple of quick strokes for him to spend as well.

Tiberius pulled him up roughly by his hair, claiming his lips in a brutal kiss.

 

Two days after, news of attack on the wall reached them. They set out at once to survey the damage done. They found the rebel camp lie empty, and upon reaching the trench, they beheld the horrible truth of how Spartacus’ army had crossed it. Sabinus felt sick as he looked down upon the heaps of bodies filling the trench. Suddenly, he was ripped from his thoughts by a sharp pain. An arrow had hit him, still quivering in his thigh. Shouts rose, and the Imperator was quickly protected behind raised shields.

Sabinus stumbled backwards, his injured leg not fully supporting him. He was barely missed by a spear that struck down beside him. More arrows rained down, one grazing his face and leaving a painful gash, another hitting him in the shoulder. When the order to retreat sounded, he turned and stumbled after the wall of shields protecting Crassus and Tiberius. He made it another hundred steps, just barely out of reach of their attackers, when pain and blood loss finally caught up with him and he crumbled to the ground. Blood was rushing in his ears, and his wounds were blazing with pain. Mutedly, he heard someone shouting his name before he was taken by darkness.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battles are fought, on and off the battlefield, before things take a turn for the unexpected.

Fever burned through Sabinus. His body ached, his wounds were pulsing, and he could scarcely move. Most of the time, he slept or lay in a state of semi-consciousness. Sometimes, he thought he felt cool hands grip his, and a voice imploring him of something he could not make out. Time passed confusingly, dark and light changing at odd intervals. He could not tell if days or weeks passed, the only constant the pain in his body.

Finally, at long last, he started to regain consciousness, albeit slowly and only for short times at once. The first time was in the middle of the night, and Sabinus was only awake for a few confused moments before falling back asleep. The next time, he was woken by an urgent voice in his ear, and cool hands upon his forehead.  
“Sabinus! Please wake up!” it was a familiar, well loved voice that spoke to him, and Sabinus mustered all his strength to open his eyes. Tiberius’ face was close to his, brows knitted with worry and anxiety. Sabinus managed a small smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but could not make a sound. A cup of water was pressed to his lips, and he drank greedily.  
“How long...” he started, but his voice left him once more. He looked to Tiberius in question. “You have been injured over a week ago.” Tiberius answered.  
“Sabinus, I do not have much time. I am to accompany my father and Caesar on the hunt for Spartacus, and we are leaving today. I came to say farewell.” Tiberius squeezed his hand. “I wish we had more time.” He whispered. “Pray for my return, and heal fast in my absence so that you may soon join us.”

Sabinus smiled weakly, and nodded his assent. He wanted desperately to answer Tiberius, exchange more words, but his strength left him. Before sleep took him once more, he thought could feel the press of soft lips against his. He smiled as he drifted off. If he was dreaming, it was a pleasant dream.

 

It was another two weeks until Sabinus was given the medicus’ permission to leave his sickbed. One of the arrows that had pierced him had caused a blood infection, and if the medicus was to be believed, he had avoided death by a hair’s breadth. The wound in his thigh was healing well, but the wound in his shoulder was still festering. The first time Sabinus saw his own reflection, he balked at the crimson scar cutting along his cheekbone. He was residing in the villa claimed by Crassus, under Kore’s attentive care. The former body slave had risen to vilica, a great honor. Although she had come by that position in part due to the Imperator’s interest in her, she was a gifted housekeeper. Sabinus had always liked her. She was a calm and reflected woman, and her conversation was always of interest. Still, the prospect of being stuck in Sinuessa while the other soldiers marched to war and certain victory against Spartacus while he was left behind stung bitterly. Kore did her best to cheer him, but it was futile. More than anything, he worried about Tiberius, a worry shared by Kore.

 

In absence of the men of house Crassus, it fell to Sabinus to conduct the affairs that could not be handled by a slave, as trustworthy as she might be. It helped bear the idleness of recovery. Most impatiently, he was waiting to hear of news of Crassus and Tiberius, and of how the war was progressing. Finally, a letter arrived from Tiberius, informing him of Crixus’ march towards Rome and Crassus’ plan to stop him. It tore at Sabinus’ heart that he could not stand by their side.

He read and re-read the letter many times, wishing it held more personal message from Tiberius.

 

A few days after the letter had arrived, the medicus declared him healthy enough for travel. Sabinus rejoiced in the news. Another letter had arrived just this morning, speaking of Crassus’ victory over Crixus and his men. Tiberius himself had struck the fatal blow to Crixus, and Sabinus’ heart swelled with pride. They would regroup for a week close to Rome, before setting out in pursuit of Spartacus once more. It gave Sabinus enough time to rejoin them. He left the same day, in the company of few men, all fast riders. It took them three days of fast travel to reach Rome and Crassus’ encampment outside its walls. As they approached the tents, Sabinus looked out for Tiberius, but could not spot him. He hurried to report to Crassus, delivering important letters and documents from Sinuessa. Even here, he could not spot Tiberius. Upon inquiry, he was informed Tiberius had been sent to break words with Pompey. Disappointment settled in his bones. He had longed to be reunited with his friend. He had little time to dwell on it however, as he was promptly set to work. Crassus expressed his satisfaction at seeing Sabinus reinstated to former post, and although the disappointment lingered, it was alleviated by pride at such praise.

 

The following day held bad news. The envoy from Pompey had been a clever rouse by Spartacus and his rebels, and for a single moment, Sabinus thought he saw something dark and satisfied flash in Caesar’s eyes. He clenched his teeth. Should Tiberius fall, he knew who to turn to in revenge, but for now, he was preoccupied with Tiberius’ safety. Called into council with Crassus and Caesar, it was decided he would ride with Caesar to offer five hundred prisoners from Crixus’ army in exchange for Tiberius’ life. Caesar seemed ill at ease at the prospect of taking Sabinus with him, knowing well of his loyalty and friendship towards Tiberius. Yet he could not protest without arousing suspicion, and so it was settled. They set forth the same day, spurred to great haste by the fear that Tiberius would already be dead once they found him. The fear clawed at Sabinus’ throat, and it was only his distrust for Caesar that made him try his hardest to keep all emotion from his face.

 

Against expectation, it was not hard to find the rebels. They had sought out an abandoned arena, where they were holding executions for their prisoners. Sabinus clenched his teeth and fought with all his might to stay calm. He had never hated Spartacus and his rebels so much as in this moment, and he prayed to all the gods that Tiberius was still alive. It had been more than one moon since he had last seen his friend, and he was desperate to hold him close again. If he had not been deceived by feverish dreams, their last farewell had ended with a tender kiss, something Sabinus was eager to revisit upon.

 

They had not arrived a moment too early it seemed; the woman about to end Tiberius’ life with her sword was pulled back by Spartacus himself when he received message of their coming. Sabinus slid from his horse when they reached the arena. With a few strides, he was by Tiberius’ side. The other seemed close to collapsing, so Sabinus steered him quickly to his own horse, helping him up into the saddle. Sabinus motioned to one of the soldiers to lead Tiberius away, and his order was followed at once, Tiberius quickly disappearing from view behind the soldiers surrounding him. Sabinus, now without horse, turned towards the rebels. He was almost giddy with relief. Finally, he heard Caesar ride up beside him, as if finally awaking from a stupor.

 

“In exchange for this boy, we release to you five hundred of your wounded. Remember this, rebels: the next time, I will make sure none of you survive that long!” he shouted towards Spartacus and the others. Sabinus, satisfied in the knowledge that Caesar would be occupied for some time breaking words with the rebels, turned and left to find Tiberius. He found him at the end of their caravan, where the soldiers had laid him down on one of the carts they had used to transport the prisoners. He rushed to his friend’s side. “Tiberius! Gratitude to the gods that you are alive!” he said, clasping Tiberius’ shoulder. He wished they were alone, so he could show Tiberius how truly elated he was to see him again. For a moment, Tiberius smiled up at him, full of relief. But abruptly, his expression changed. His eyes slid from Sabinus’ to rest somewhere behind him, and his face contorted into a mask of indifference.

“Yes, and gratitude to both you and Caesar for coming to my rescue.” With a light shrug of his shoulder, he dislodged Sabinus’ hand. “We should not linger any longer. Please see to it that we leave as soon as possible.” Sabinus drew back, confused and taken aback at the lack of warmth in Tiberius’ address. But this was not the time to break words, so he left and did what was asked of him.

 

 

The trek back to Crassus’ camp was a silent affair, all of them eager to reach bed and hearth sooner rather than later. Sabinus tended to Tiberius’ needs, as was his station, but they scarcely spoke, Tiberius’ manner cold and dismissive. Each excess touch was met with glares, each kind word with silence or rebuke, until Sabinus gave up and resigned himself to do his work in silence. He could not fathom what had provoked this change in their rapport. Caesar, in turn, seemed restless and on edge. He pushed his horse to ride this way and that, scouting ahead and around without true purpose. Sabinus suspected he had been hoping for a fight, to find Tiberius dead at the rebels’ hands. He seemed to be avoiding Tiberius, shooting him paranoid glances or scowling darkly in his general direction. Sabinus wondered what might have happened between them while on the hunt for Spartacus.

 

They reached the camp some hours after nightfall. Crassus stood waiting for them when they arrived, hurrying to his son the minute the cart carrying him stopped.

“Son.” the man said, with lines of fear and regret on his face. “I feared I had sent you to your death in my stead.”

“It was masterful deception, father” Tiberius rasped, “I do not blame you; we all fell for it.” The two men clasped shoulders, before Crassus sent him off to his tent and the waiting medicus.

“Sabinus, Caesar, I will have report.” He ordered.

 

After hearing their reports, Crassus stood. “Sabinus, I am glad to see you back at Tiberius’ side. For as long as he is recovering, you will act in his stead. I trust you will council him well once more.” Then they were dismissed. As they stepped out of the tent into the cool night, Sabinus heard Caesar snort lightly. “Yes, your council will be well received. Give him three weeks without it and he almost gets himself killed.” He turned his ugly grin on him. “If you ever tire of serving this child, Rome has many better uses for capable men such as you.” Sabinus was too taken aback by the man’s brash words to answer. He bowed, reflexively, and turned to leave the man standing alone outside their commander’s tent. He knew there was a rivalry between Tiberius and Caesar, but it seemed it had grown to hate in the short time he had not been with them.

 

He hesitated for a moment about visiting Tiberius in his tent before turning in for the night. What ever had happened while he was away had also affected his and Tiberius’ friendship. But he had been too long without his friend out of the view of unfriendly eyes.

When he stepped into the tent, Tiberius was still awake. The medicus had left him bound in fresh bandages, and Tiberius was resting on his bed, staring sullenly ahead, lost in thought. It took a moment for him to notice he had company. At first, he seemed relieved to see Sabinus, but once again his face shifted to indifference in an instant. “Sabinus.” he said. “What is it?”

“Just a friend,” Sabinus said carefully “saying goodnight.”

Tiberius’ face softened. But he stayed silent, averting his gaze. Sabinus stepped closer and pulled up a chair. He spent a long moment looking at Tiberius, at how he seemed tense and almost nervous, still not able to meet his eye.  
“What happened between you and Caesar?” he finally asked. “The man seems to despise and fear you in equal measure.”

Tiberius’ eyes widened, and a haunted look stole over his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. Finally he opened them again and looked at Sabinus.

“He despises me because he thinks me beneath him, a stupid child with a dangerous secret he can squash like a bug, and he fears me because I am alive, and now know a secret of his own.”

 

Sabinus furrowed his brow. “Two dangerous secrets then. And one of them has to do with you almost dying? Is he responsible for that trap?” Tiberius nodded almost imperceptibly. Sabinus drew a shuddering breath. “But you cannot tell anyone for fear of revealing your own secret?”

Once again, a tense nod.” Sabinus struggled to remain calm. It was no hardship, figuring out what that secret was. Cold dread ran down his back. The way Caesar had grinned at him earlier, his strange behavior before… “It was a mistake.” Tiberius said suddenly. “You are my trusted friend and advisor, but to take my pleasure from you without holding you in the same regard as you do me has been stupid...and cruel. Please, “ he said, “will you forgive me?” The look in his eyes was pleading, and for a moment Sabinus did not comprehend what he had said. Then realization dawned on him and his insides turned cold. “Surely...” he began, but he struggled to continue. “You say this because of him? We could be more careful.” As soon as he had spoken the words, he knew he had made a mistake. Tiberius snapped at him “Be silent! I let this go on for too long! I was touch-starved, and desperate for affection, and you were there at the right time. Leave, now, I need to rest.” With those last words, he extinguished the candle lit on his bedside table, and turned his head so he looked away from Sabinus. It took a while for Sabinus to regain control of his body. He was not sure if he could believe what he had just heard, and part of him wanted to shake Tiberius and demand the truth. Yet he was aware he was overstepping, as he had been for some time now, so he heaved himself up and left.

 

That night, he slept poorly. He was cold, and miserable, and no blanket or fire could warm him. He wanted to be furious at Tiberius, but he couldn’t. Even if what the other had said had not been completely true, if he held feelings for him, the message was clear; it was not worth the risk, and Sabinus understood. Caesar was a dangerous foe, and it did not seem they would be rid of him anytime soon. For a desperate moment, he thought about doing something about it, about cooking up an elaborate scheme to rid themselves of Caesar. It was impossible; not only would he risk his own reputation and life, but also the fight against the rebellion, and as much as he loved Tiberius, he loved Rome almost as much.

 

Their next meetings were stilted and strictly business. It fell to them to ready the troops for the next upcoming battle. They had to be fed, watered, their armors repaired and their swords sharpened. More horses had to be procured, more men, more weapons. It was a ghastly task, but Sabinus knew, despite everything, they would work well together. The work was a welcome distraction, and Sabinus threw himself into it. Tiberius had gained rank and fame during his time serving his father, and with elevated rank came elevated responsibility. Despite the days’ hardships, Sabinus struggled to fall asleep at night. He was kept awake by worry; mostly about Tiberius, who seemed more gaunt and worried each day, and about Caesar, who seemed to circle Tiberius like a snake waiting to strike.

 

Finally, an opportunity presented itself to be rid of the vile man for a few days. Since Caesar was still officially under Tiberius’ command, Sabinus could send him away to petition for more men and arms. The man’s absence had a visible effect on Tiberius, who seemed more lively and healthy than he had for days. The preparations went on and Tiberius healed. Once Caesar returned, he was sent away again by Crassus, to negotiate for more support from some political leaders. Crassus and Tiberius talked much these days, Crassus’ regard of his son much improved over the last months. Sometimes, Sabinus even saw them stick their heads together as if conspiring, a view he thought he would never see in his life.

 

As the battle approached, it became clear Tiberius would not be able to fight in it. Naevia, the slave woman whose husband had fallen at Tiberius’ hand, had injured him greatly, incapacitating his sword arm and one leg. Regardless, Tiberius trained each day with a sword, swinging it until it invariably clattered to the ground because it slipped from his grasp. Sabinus saw the frustration in the other’s eyes, and the subsequent dark looks he sent to Caesar, whenever he was present. He wanted nothing more than comfort his friend, but their rapport was still on uncertain grounds. Sometimes, Sabinus caught Tiberius staring at him. His inside would warm at the heated stare he had once known more intimately, before the warmth was subsequently extinguished by the mask of cold indifference Tiberius slipped on whenever he noticed his own distraction. The times when they were alone together were the worst. Both of them were easily distracted then, awkward and uncertain on how to treat the other. There were many half aborted touches, glances, gestures, that they would no longer allow themselves. At these times, Tiberius tended to speak harsh words that left Sabinus feeling hollow. He often lay awake at night, wishing for everything to go back to the way they were before.

 

Three days before the battle, Sabinus was roused in the early morning hours. Apparently, Tiberius had left without giving notice, slipped away under the cover of the night with five men and horses. Sabinus felt the sting of having not only lost his friend but also his trust. Early the next morning, he was summoned by Crassus. The main was waiting for him on the edge of their encampment, staring out into the white morning fog that still clung to the trees.

“Since my son has left us, I have to take decision. You have served him and me well, these last years, and these last days especially. So close before a battle, I can not allow confusion to rise in the ranks, and the men already know and trust you. You will take my son’s place, Sabinus, as long as he is gone, and command the men like he would have. I trust you will continue to serve me well.”

Without further comment, Marcus Crassus strode away, leaving Sabinus lost for words. Caesar did not take the news well. Sabinus heard him raging to anyone who’d hear it how unfair it was for Sabinus to take the post rather than him, but it fell on deaf ears.

 

After the fact, Sabinus only remembered the final battle against the rebel army distantly, like a dark and bloody dream. He knew he had killed more people than ever before in his life, men and women who would rather give their life in battle than bow to the glory of Rome. In the end, the rebellion was squashed under Rome’s heel, their leaders all dead or escaped, the rebels’ blood soaking the earth. Sabinus stumbled back to his imperator, to receive new commands, meeting Caesar along the way. On their way, Pompey rode past them, claiming the victory over the rebels as his own. When he had ridden off, another group of riders appeared. As they drew nearer, Sabinus saw it was Tiberius and the other men that had disappeared. In their middle, they had two prisoners. His heart started beating faster at the sight of his friend, and he could scarcely hold himself back from running to embrace him. He longed for nothing more than to feel Tiberius alive and well in his arms.

 

“Father.” Tiberius exclaimed, as soon as he was in hearing distance. “A battle well fought! Spartacus is mortally wounded, I hear, his generals either slain by you or Pompey?”

Crassus nodded. “A victory shared by us all. Caesar and Sabinus fought well and saw many of our enemies to the afterlife. Now say, who are the prisoners you brought?”

Sabinus turned when he heard a strange sound to his side. When he turned he saw Caesar had stopped, his face white as he stared at the prisoners. He made an aborted movement, as if to run. Sabinus sprang forward and pulled Caesar close to where Crassus and his son were standing.

 

“Tell me, Caesar.” Tiberius said, his voice deceptively sweet, “do you recognize these men?” When Caesar did not answer, Crassus spoke up. “Speak, Caesar, or risk your head.”

Caesar turned whiter still, but opened his mouth to answer.  
“The men carrying false message from Pompey.” He said between clenched teeth.

“And is that the first time you had seen them, Caesar?” Tiberius asked. Caesar glared at him hotly. “Yes! Do you dare suggest differently?” He scowled threateningly at Tiberius. Sabinus’ heart was beating rapidly in his chest.

“I do, indeed!” Tiberius crowed. He nudged one of the prisoners. “Tell my father how you first met Caesar!”

The prisoner flinched, but dutifully opened his mouth. “In Sinuessa, he came to us. He said he was one of the rebels,we helped him acquire some weapons on the cheap.” Caesar struggled against Sabinus’ hold. “You little shit!” He spat up at Tiberius. “I’m sure your father would also like to know what you like to...” “Silence!” Crassus roared. Caesar snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. “My son has already confessed to me, Caesar, so be silent. I sent him out to bring me proof so I would know the truth about you. Men! Take him away and don’t leave him out of your sight while I decide what to do with him. Tiberius, my son, you have not disappointed me. Go now, a ship is already waiting.” He pulled his son into a short embrace, before ordering his men to follow him with the prisoners. Soon it was only Sabinus and Tiberius standing among the rubble of the battlefield. They stared at each other in silence. Finally, Tiberius spoke.

“I am going to Britannia”, he said. “Father has secured a good placement for me, to fight the heathen rebels at the great wall, make a name for myself. I spoke to him; you will keep my rank after I leave, you have earned it more than I have at this point.”

Sabinus stepped closer. “Take me with you” he pleaded quietly. “If Caesar knows about you, I am also not safe here. We could serve side by side in Britannia, we...” he stopped when Tiberius gripped his arm. There were tears in the other’s eyes.

 

“Sabinus, you do not understand! It was not you Caesar saw me with, it was a slave at one of the villas we stayed at.” Sabinus stared at him. Of all the things he had expected to hear, it was not that. He opened his mouth, but no sound could be heard. He swallowed heavily. When Tiberius pulled him into a rough embrace, he stood stiffly, his thoughts and movements sluggish and confused.

“Tiberius” he whispered. Tiberius looked up at him with shining eyes. “Forgive me, Sabinus. I was mad with grief and lonely at the time, waiting for message of your death. I took what I should not have taken, I hurt someone who did not deserve it, and I brought shame both upon me and my father.“ He reached out to grip Sabinus’ hand. Sabinus clung to it. “Please” he whispered. “Take me with you.”

 

Tiberius shook his head. “Believe me, I would like nothing more. But I can’t, I don’t dare stay in your presence when you still affect me so, and I don’t deserve your love or loyalty. You will stay here and rise to glory along with my father, and I will be happy knowing I was not the one keeping you from your rightful place.” With that, he stepped back, untangling his fingers from Sabinus’. Looking around, he made sure they were shielded from view by the horses, before surging forward and pressing his lips to Sabinus’. Before Sabinus could respond, he stepped back and swung up on his horse.

“If the gods are gracious,” he said looking down at Sabinus, “we will meet again in this life, when I am finally worthy of you.” With that he spun his horse around and galloped off. Sabinus stood transfixed, watching his best friend and first love leave him all alone on a field drenched with blood.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually did continue! The third chapter is already half-written as well and will be posted as soon as possible.


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